When I post some pretty kickin’ wins on FB:
- She’s bragging again.
- Her “wins” don’t matter because she has it easy.
- She didn’t do any of those things, she’s delusional.
- She’s trying to get credit for her son’s success – like she does with everything else.
Same people, when I’m slammed with work and take a break from posting:
- No “wins” to share?
- Nothing to brag about today?
- Did she get dumped again?
- Don’t do anything. She’s trying to get attention.
So either way, I get no love from the people who already decided they don’t like me no matter what.
Stuff like this used to bother me, especially if it came out of nowhere… from people I thought were my friends or family.
But I quickly learned that everyone’s got their own crap do deal with.
Other people’s reaction to you is always based on how they feel about themselves and how they see the world around them. ALWAYS.
It might sound all self-help woo-woo, but it’s true.
So for example, if I say,
My son who just graduated from high school last year is now a senior in college. He’s recently been elected as an Executive Officer for a heart-health organization and I’m very proud of him.
There are always two distinct groups of people responding/reacting.
Group #1: People who express their positive thoughts and feelings about my son… congratulating him for his hard work and amazing results and impressed with how much he’s grown throughout the years. They’re always there to share my pride and joy as his mom, and that always means so much to me. Majority of people fit in this group.
Group #2: But a small group of people receive that as an attack and REACT as such. “I graduated from college when I was his age.” “That’s not hard to do. I was officer for a club in high school.”
My sharing good news about my only child (or anything else) becomes an attack on THEIR abilities and worth. (That’s pretty self-centered, isn’t it? Making this about them?) I usually have no other contact with these people, so I definitely haven’t deliberately done anything malicious to them on my end. This means it’s all on them.
And while I’m obsessively careful about how I word my messages about relationships, recovery from abuse, and self-worth, I’m not about to walk on eggshells when I share exciting news about my son (or myself) – to avoid triggering someone’s insecurities.
Because that’s EXACTLY what this sh*t’s about.
If you can’t just be happy for someone, or give credit where credit is due… and they’ve done nothing to hurt you or your family, destroy your reputation, or negatively affect your livelihood – it’s because you’re feeling directly or indirectly threatened.
THAT’S IT. Get that taken cared of, please.
And if you’re constantly on the receiving end of this kind of hate, learn how to NOT take it personally, because it really is not about you. Read The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz (specifically chapters 2-5) to help you release ownership of other people’s choices.
Other people’s reaction to you isn’t FACT. They’re opinions which they’re entitled to. And your interpretation of what others communicate about you ISN’T fact either… but it eventually becomes a belief, so choose wisely what you accept about yourself.
Stop trying to take ownership of other people’s baggage… let them carry their own damb bags.
P.S. Lemme know what you think!
Carmen is a mom, certified professional life strategist, breakup recovery coach, religion teacher, best selling author, foodie wannabe, and advocate for victims of narcissistic abuse. She is currently living la vida loca in Vegas with her not-so-little human… while pseudo-adulting, Tahitian dancing, and exploring the delicious world of bubble tea *woo!*