I’m more than happy to offer help in the Divorce Survival department. I’m especially fond of the the Raising Kids area. I’ve also been known to offer some pretty kick-azz advice when it comes to FREEING yourself from a Toxic Relationship.
However, I FLAT OUT REFUSE to give any “expert” advice regarding Finding/Maintaining a Serious Relationship. As in with a spouse… mate… significant other.
Why? 
Do you see ME in a healthy relationship… or anything even remotely resembling something like one?
Nope.
I can help you ESCAPE from controlling, manipulative psychopaths… and spot UNHEALTHY connections… but I have yet to figure out how to build & grow a loving & long lasting relationship.
Maybe I just don’t know how. I mean, here I am dreaming up (note that this is all in my head…) futures with men who are ALL KINDS OF WRONG for me. Just because they’re 6 footers (dunno how, but just about every man I’ve been drawn to’s been an equivalent to 6, foot-long subway sandwiches…), hot, & have kids… and how cool would it be for all of us to go on vacation together?
I’ve even fantasized Halloween costumes for the entire “family”… *sigh*
Or perhaps I intentionally select these off-limits men because I’m just not ready? I mean, Chris Hemsworth is yummalicious… but daydreaming about a single daddy you personally know (no matter how f**ked in they head they clearly are)… it’s almost… REAL LIFE. Right?
Anyway… I digress.
When you ask for help (and not the kind of help where you just need someone to vent to or ask for friendly advice from)… the kind of help where you want someone to walk you through, step-by-step so you can get to where you want to be… that someone better be living comfortably at your destination already.
When choosing a mentor, select someone who is currently LIVING with the results you want for yourself.
You wouldn’t ask a drug addict how you’re supposed to kick the habit (or whatever the correct term is), would you? Or a broke-azz person who’s never been financially wealthy, how to become a millionaire.
Same goes for dating/relationship coaches.
Maybe someday, once I’ve figured this part of life out for myself… I’ll be able to offer friendly help in this area. But until then, I’m the chick to turn to if you’re stuck with an Emotionally Unavailable Man and need the strength to run the other way as quickly as you can.
P.S. Lemme know what you think!
Carmen is a mom, certified professional life strategist, breakup recovery coach, religion teacher, best selling author, foodie wannabe, and advocate for victims of narcissistic abuse. She is currently living la vida loca in Vegas with her not-so-little human… while pseudo-adulting, Tahitian dancing, and exploring the delicious world of bubble tea *woo!*
Thai Mango Sweet Rice Dessert (Khao Niaow Ma Muang)
OMG, here I thought I was the only one with ridiculous fantasies with guys in my head! I mean, sometimes I shock myself with the sheer number of adventures going on up there in the amount of time it takes me to put dinner on the table.
Ahahaha… oh gosh, there was a time when I went to a very, very dark place… and even decided on a (fantasy) family song… and who sang which verse. So believe me, you are not alone. Thank you for being here! 😀
Isn’t it true that most people never heed their own advice? I see it everwhere.
I think surrounding yourself with people you want to model yourself after goes a long way in helping you become who you want to be.
If you’re a divorced single mom hanging out with other divorced single moms, your chances of meeting a great guy are much less than if you were friends with many married couples who could potentially introduce you to their single friends.
And likewise, if you’re spending most of your time with people who are positive and happy as opposed to negative and bitter, you’re more likely to attract someone you like.
Hi Erin…
Absolutely. It’s easier to give advice from where you’re standing – outside the actual situation, than taking that same advice when you’re actually *in* it.
The thing is, when it comes to the types of people one attracts, not only does who you surround yourself with and the energy you give out matter, but also how you feel about yourself and the kind of people you feel you deserve and end up welcoming into your life.
I’m that last group right there… I used to think any attention was better than no attention. I certainly don’t believe that anymore, but I still don’t feel I should be giving advice about something I’m currently working on improving 🙂 Which is why I highlighted: “When choosing a mentor, select someone who is currently LIVING with the results you want for yourself.”
Thank you for sharing!
Oh I can give advice all day-but I’m a single mother who’s been single for quite awhile. Why would anyone listen to ME of all people?? I like your advice to ask people who have the kind of relationship you want-that right there is perfect sense!
Hi Country Mama!
You know what? Based on what I’ve experienced, I think there are many people who would take relationship advice from a single mom. (Pretty much why I put it out here that I don’t give that kind of advice… lol).
I still stand by what I said tho… “When choosing a mentor, select someone who is currently LIVING with the results you want for yourself.” because if they’re living it, they must know what they’re talking about, and I see this as the safest route when looking for guidance! 🙂
Hi, this is my first time on your blog today and I bookmarked it! You’re not fond of giving relationship advice, but maybe you’d be willing to give blog advice on my new blog. mommyshappyliving.com 🙂