So there was this guy… kinda had a crush on him for what felt like forever… and he seemed to fancy me right back. We’ve had a few really fun conversations on the phone, but he opted to TEXTING the majority of the time (yup, even our “deeper” convos – RED FLAG).
He would say (via text, of course) the most perfect words to make me smile… but didn’t really follow through on anything. (RED FLAG)
After a while, he’d tell me he wants to talk to me on the phone again, but time after time after time after time…
RED FLAG
Life is tough on him, he explained, making it nearly impossible to ever get on the phone (RED FLAG). So I stopped expecting and his rank eventually sunk to “occasional text acquaintance”… lol.
After another week or two of silence, he’d text me with all sorts of life challenges (crap happens, right?)… then suggests a video call to catch up. And being the silly nilly that I am, I immediately think, “Hey, maybe he’s finally comin around to realize how I can be a BIG PLUS in his life!!” And guess what happens… no, really, guess!!
RED FLAG
He got sick… fell asleep… stuck at work… house burned down… needed to get his man parts reattached… I can’t remember which excuse he fed me anymore.
I’d stop hearing from him for another week or two… and my text (only one, I’m not needy, for cryin out loud) checkin in to ask if he’s OK, goes unacknowledged (and as usual, my mind reaches down to impossible depths to make excuses for why he is unable to spare 2 seconds to send me a courtesy reply – RED FLAG).
Then his latest Facebook activities comes a scrollin’ down my news feed…
RED FLAG
Awww… poor guy and his many life problems and limited time with just enough energy to “like” girl pix on facebook. Several days later, he’d text me back saying he’s been busy or sick and wish I was there to make him feel better. (RED FLAG)
Right.
Ok… unless you’re a relative from Japan or the Philippines, I don’t need more text-buddies. I also don’t have time for people who can’t follow through with even the simplest things that they tell me they’re going to do.
Mr. Fantasy Crush and I may not have been exclusive and he certainly had the right to connect with anyone he chose to – any way he wanted. However, if he had zero intentions in doing something… well, don’t get my hopes up, dambit. I expect the same from “just friends”… and if he can’t even treat me with respect as a friend, well… how can I welcome him into my space as a “more than”?
As tempted as I was to dwell on what I “hoped” could’ve been… I forced myself to step back, give myself a time out, and assess this “relationship” as it actually *IS* and decide if this is the type of man I want to make room for in my life. I also had to consider if he would be a good role model for my almost-teen son… would I want JRoc treating other girls/women like this?
Yeah… no thanks.
I proceeded to block his phone number, disconnect him from all my social media accounts, and filter his email to go straight to spam… without notice… no explanations. If I’m not worth a few seconds to text me if he’s ok or not… well, I’m not about to invest even a few seconds more from my life just to explain why his application to hang out in my world was not approved.
MOST IMPORTANT: If you spot a RED FLAG in a new relationship… RUN for your life before the toxins contaminate your beautiful self. I’ve become much, much better at it since this experience. 🙂
#sorrynotsorry
Linking up with: Things I Can’t Say.
P.S. Lemme know what you think!
Carmen is a mom, certified life strategist, breakup recovery coach, religion teacher, best selling author, foodie wannabe, and advocate for victims of narcissistic abuse. She is currently living la vida loca in Vegas with her not-so-little human… while pseudo-adulting, Tahitian dancing, and exploring the delicious world of bubble tea *woo!*
Cream Cheese Crescent Roll Puffs!
Those are some awful RED FLAGS! Good for you for refusing to waste any more time on him.
Hi Amy!
Aren’t they? I can’t believe I stuck around for as long as I did… waiting for things to “work out” the way I had it all worked out in my head… lol. Thank you for being here! 🙂
Can definitely relate to more than a few of these… too ridiculous!
Right, Nikita? Sheesh, how bout we all make a promise to stop waiting around hoping these types will magically change! Such a waste of time and energy!
I can relate. Wish I ran the other way sooner instead of marrying and having kids with him. 6 years later and my kids and I are finally free! Thank you for this message and I love your fun graphics!
Wow, Jenna…
I’m just so happy & relieved to hear you and your kids are safe and free from his bad treatment & energy!! Wishing you all the best!!!!! – And yeah, the graphics… takes talent to do stuff like this. Ahaha 😀
Wow, Carmen, wish I could borrow your red flag sense since I’m starting the dating for the first time in, well, ever. I’ll have to keep checking here for tips.
Absolutely! Gotta look out for one another, you know? Oh, and I just had an article published on Ricky Martin’s parenting site about this very subject – check it out! Have a blast in this new chapter… you DESERVE sweet attention, flirty flirtin’, and wining & dining!!!
Dating With Children: Stress Reducing Tips for Single Moms –
https://piccolouniverse.com/en/love/1175-dating-with-children-stress-reducing-tips-for-single-moms
I recently went through similar situation…but thankfully I saw the “red flags” and got out of dodge before my emotions got too involved. Thanks for sharing 🙂
Good for you, girlfriend! We only have one heart… gotta be careful who we trust it with! Thanks for being here, Belita! 🙂
Hello, I came to stumble upon your article and I am going through the exact phase right now. And I think it’s been dragging me for like a year almost. It is actually draining me out, with nothing happening. I get a sense that we’re still trying to be “friends” or be “cool” about it through texting since we don’t want to lose the friendship that we’ve built. But, I think it’s better to let it go, too. Thank you!!
Hi Samantha 🙂 The “red flag” for you right now is the fact that this “relationship” is DRAINING you. This only happens when you give and give without feeling fulfilled or refilled. So I believe you’re right… let it go and re-energize yourself. If anyone needs your friendship right now, it’s YOU… Big hugs!!
I’m debating if I should unfriend my crush. I thought we were moving toward something more last year and then all of a sudden our conversations stopped and he doesn’t talk to me now unless I message him first. I’m tired of wondering how he feels and being confused but it’s been impossible for me to let go.
Hi Heather… I was driving myself crazy with the “letting go” deal too. Until I asked myself… “Do I seriously want someone who I have to practically beg for attention from… or remind him that I’m still here?” Girl, you deserve a guy who adores you and makes you his priority… treats you like the queen that you are. You don’t wanna keep wasting your time waiting for his scraps, do you? It’s tough when we’ve got our hearts & minds set on a particular person… but believe me, you gotta seriously consider letting Mr. Stale Pants go to make room for Mr. Wonderful! Sending you hugs & strength… and keep me posted!!
Thank you for replying and for the encouragement. I finally got up the courage to unfriend him and delete his number out of my phone. It was hard but I realized that I deserve more. Now, hopefully, Mr. Wonderful will make his way into my life.
Hi Heather… I’ll tell you right now… it’s clear you have plenty of respect for yourself because of how quickly you took action to clean out your space. Good on you!
I want to give you a heads-up… experiencing a roller coaster of emotions is totally normal, so hang in there! And feelings of sadness, hurt, or disappointment does NOT mean things won’t get better… it means you’re a LOVING human being who needs to heal. So… take this opportunity to recharge & love yourself to the fullest… and I assure you, the one meant for you is out there getting his life in order so he can be the best he can possibly be for you! Proud of you!! *hugs*
You were definitely right about that roller coaster of emotions . I’m had a moment of weakness and added him back after he sent me a message saying that he thought he’d done something really wrong. For a day I was okay and thought that he was going to change and make an effort but I was wrong and now I feel the same way I did before. I’m pretty sure I’m just going to be done with social media all together.The people I talk to now how to get in touch with me. I’m pretty sure it’s making me cynical too. I don’t need that.I’m sorry to just vent like this to you but you’ve been so kind and supportive to me already. Thank you for that.
I have had similar situations. One was actually a long time friend who kept blowing me off. I feel the same way you do. If you are my friend, then treat with the same respect you would your other friends. If I’m more than that you, still treat me with the same respect. No head games! I hate games! Great post!
Yeah, right? Honestly… we’re grown adults… who the heck has time for nonsense like that? Lol… Thanks, Michelle! 🙂
You’re very welcome! I enjoy reading your posts!
Woww, thank you for sharing your experience. I am experiencing the same thing right now. I reconnected with one of my childhood friends a few months, of course we live in different states. At first it was harmless, just two friends catching up but then he suggested that he wants to be more than friends. He made all these promises and of course I am very skeptical about long distance relationships but I started to like him so I was considering it. Then, things took an awful turn when: ok we facetimed most of our convos earlier on so 1 day I went to call him and realized that he wasn’t on imo anymore after he asked me to download that app to talk to him. I mentioned it to him and he claimed he got a new phone etc. So I let that go. We started communicating on the phone, fast forward the main issues I had with him is he’d say “I’m gonna call u back when I get off work or in an hour” but never called back. Then I’d hear from him days later or he’d be on Facebook liking my posts which irritates me. So I already deleted his phone # but I was contemplating if I should unfriend him on fb so I did last night. Although I’m not angry at him but I don’t have room for liars in my life. Friend or not, it’s disrespectful and rude to continuously lie about doing things and never fell thru. He knows I don’t believe it when he says” i’d call u in an hour” b/c I always ended our convos with I’d talk to you whenever so he’d say “i promised I’m gonna call u back and stop saying we’ll talk whenever ” but still don’t follow thru so I had enough. I’m moving on but I’m so glad and relief that I had the courage to stop it now. He is a liar and I won’t stand for his disrespects.
I met a guy in America (I live in Australia). Things were great, took me out, showed me around and even said I should move there so he could date me. Casually even joked about marrying me so I could move there. At this stage we had already slept together so it seemed like he wasn’t just saying nice things to get into my pants.
Messaged me when I got back to see if I got home safely and week later to ask when I was coming to see him. We eventually agreed on meeting in Hawaii as it’s half way. As I’m 36 and tired of wasting my time, money and energy on men that just want a “fun time”, I asked him straight up if he was serious about what he said and if there really is potential of us dating because I’m not flying 10 hours to be a fun time girl. He assured me his intentions were good and definitely potential but then NOTHING.
Now he’s gone super quiet, stopped liking my posts (has time to like a million other posts though) and claims he’s been busy with work.
Should I bail and delete? I’ve messaged him once since my open conversation with him about my concerns and nothing from him back in over a week. Am I jumping the gun and being ridiculous? HELP!
Delete him, it’s obvious he doesn’t respect you as much as you respect him. There’s plenty of guys out there who would gladly give you the time of day. Good luck 🙂
Im just 20year old.. But I actually got a good motivation to get free from my ‘so called close guy friend’.. Thanks a lot! ?Could relate to all the red flags.
I reconnected with an old friend from school. We revealed that we both had crushes on each other and have talked on and off for the past 6 months. He gets all flirty and will text me a lot then he will disappear then all a sudden start again. Now I see he unfriended me on Facebook. He still has me on Facebook messenger but he stopped messaging me. But he has done this in the past. He builds my hopes up then disappears. He knows I’ve left an emotionally abusive marriage but this is wrong too right? I’ve stopped reaching out to him but it still hurts. Am I doing the right thing? Should I forget him?