Dear Carmen: Why Do I Keep Having to Remind Him That I’m Still Here?

Dear Carmen,

I feel so silly writing to you about this, but I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for a little over 5 months and it feels like he’s starting to forget about me.

We only see each other once every couple of weeks due to distance, but we used to text and talk on the phone daily. Now the phone calls have stopped and it’s always me initiating the texts. When we text, he seems to be affectionate, but then I won’t hear from him again unless I reach out to him.

We haven’t had any fights, so I don’t know what I’ve done wrong? Please help me get him back!

Forgotten One

Dear Forgotten One,

I know you’d rather hear/feel that from your man, but because he’s incapable of reassuring you, I am telling you this on behalf of all humankind… You are UNFORGETTABLE.

I’ve been there before, more times than I’d like to admit… so I know how frustrating & discouraging it feels. It’s like…

DUDE! Here I am in all my AMAZINGNESS… and you can’t
appreciate that YOU are special to ME?!??? 

So here’s what I finally had to FORCE myself to accept…

You know when guys you have no interest in, approach you and try to keep in touch with you? You don’t exactly dislike them, but when you receive a call or text from them, there’s no urgency to drop everything to respond… you sorta put it off til later when you’re not so busy with your day. Keep it light & casual… Right?

But when someone you’re into tries to contact you, you respond in a flash no matter what you may be doing. Even if it’s only to let em know you’ll get back to them later. Because you want to make sure they know they’re important to you and that you’re not ignoring them… Right?

 

Now this is the part that hurt my ego and crushed my heart… but I had to look it in the eye and accept it in order to salvage whatever SELF RESPECT I had left and move on.

I had to accept that I was now filed away
under the “LATER” category. 

Granted there was a time he would tell me I was on his mind, all throughout the day… and responded quickly when I tried to get a hold of him… but as time passed, the communication started to decrease, and I found myself making excuses to reach out and “remind” him I still exist. Then it came to a point where he wasn’t even responding to my reminders…

My initial thought was I need to figure out how to get back into the “immediate” category… what can I do to shine bright in his mind? To reignite that interest? And what the heck did I do to push him away in the first place?

Then it finally dawned on me (and believe me, it took me a while to figure this out). I didn’t do anything to push him away… and there’s nothing I can do to try and “stand out” from the crowd of women constantly fighting for his attention. Why? Because he’s not into me.

And as much as that sucked rocks,  I wasn’t about to force myself on someone who doesn’t want me. Because that would not only suck, it would be completely humiliating. 

One of the things my ex-hubs said to me soon after our separation… I was begging him to give marriage counseling a shot before he filed for a divorce and he said, “I don’t understand how you can keep fighting for a relationship with someone who doesn’t even want to be with you.” Wow, that hurt like no other. I felt so ugly & unwanted… like a bag of trash. And there was no way I was going to put myself in that position again if I could help it!

 

Wait… did I totally go off on a tangent here? What I’m saying is… people don’t forget people they like and care about. Have you ever forgotten about a guy you’re interested in? I’m pretty sure he’s on your mind 24/7. You don’t let days or weeks pass and suddenly think to yourself, “Oopsie! Chris Hemsworth totally slipped my mind!!”

Well, same with men… if they’re interested, they won’t be able to get you out of their head.

Of course he could be going through a rough time… maybe at work? School? His family? The thing is… we kinda “know” when guys are no longer interested, don’t we? But we like to make little excuses for them so their actions fit what we want.

 

Well, here’s what you DON’T want:  A dude who forgets about you… can’t recognize or appreciate the goddess that you are… and doesn’t think anything wrong with stringing you along.

Honestly, do you want to have to keep reminding him about you forever? Psshhh… ain’t nobody got time for THAT. Especially you!

 Here’s what you DO want and DESERVE: A man who won’t forget about you. Why? Because you are Beautiful, Amazing, Lovable, and Unforgettable. 

 

Kick this bozo to the curb. If he doesn’t think you’re even worth remembering, then he isn’t worth wasting any more of your time and effort… PLEASE free up that precious space in your heart for someone who will ADORE you.

 

For more advice that I am in no way qualified to give, I invite you to browse through my “Dear Carmen:” section… or submit your question to be possibly featured in an upcoming post! ?

P.S. Lemme know what you think!