• Podcast
    • Time Out
  • My Diary
    • Mommy Confessions
  • Parenting
  • Relationships
  • Food
  • Money
  • NPD
  • Dear Carmen
  • home
  • i’m carmen
  • fa-q
  • get in touch
  • home
  • i’m carmen
  • fa-q
  • get in touch
  • Menu
  • Skip to right header navigation
  • Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to secondary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to secondary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

It's Carmen Time!

Adulting Without Going Cray or Setting Things on Fire

  • Podcast
    • Time Out
  • My Diary
    • Mommy Confessions
  • Parenting
  • Relationships
  • Food
  • Money
  • NPD
  • Dear Carmen
  • home
  • i’m carmen
  • fa-q
  • get in touch

Dear Carmen: Why Do I Keep Having to Remind Him That I’m Still Here?

You are here: Home / Dear Carmen / Dear Carmen: Why Do I Keep Having to Remind Him That I’m Still Here?

03.06.14 //  by Carmen Sakurai

Dear Carmen,

I feel so silly writing to you about this, but I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for a little over 5 months and it feels like he’s starting to forget about me.

We only see each other once every couple of weeks due to distance, but we used to text and talk on the phone daily. Now the phone calls have stopped and it’s always me initiating the texts. When we text, he seems to be affectionate, but then I won’t hear from him again unless I reach out to him.

We haven’t had any fights, so I don’t know what I’ve done wrong? Please help me get him back!

Forgotten One

Dear Forgotten One,

I know you’d rather hear/feel that from your man, but because he’s incapable of reassuring you, I am telling you this on behalf of all humankind… You are UNFORGETTABLE.

I’ve been there before, more times than I’d like to admit… so I know how frustrating & discouraging it feels. It’s like…

DUDE! Here I am in all my AMAZINGNESS… and you can’t
appreciate that YOU are special to ME?!???
 

So here’s what I finally had to FORCE myself to accept…

You know when guys you have no interest in, approach you and try to keep in touch with you? You don’t exactly dislike them, but when you receive a call or text from them, there’s no urgency to drop everything to respond… you sorta put it off til later when you’re not so busy with your day. Keep it light & casual… Right?

you want to make sure they know they’re important to you and that you’re not ignoring them…
But when someone you’re into tries to contact you, you respond in a flash no matter what you may be doing. Even if it’s only to let em know you’ll get back to them later. Because you want to make sure they know they’re important to you and that you’re not ignoring them… Right?

 

Now this is the part that hurt my ego and crushed my heart… but I had to look it in the eye and accept it in order to salvage whatever SELF RESPECT I had left and move on.

I had to accept that I was now filed away
under the “LATER” category.
 

Granted there was a time he would tell me I was on his mind, all throughout the day… and responded quickly when I tried to get a hold of him… but as time passed, the communication started to decrease, and I found myself making excuses to reach out and “remind” him I still exist. Then it came to a point where he wasn’t even responding to my reminders…don't forget

My initial thought was I need to figure out how to get back into the “immediate” category… what can I do to shine bright in his mind? To reignite that interest? And what the heck did I do to push him away in the first place?

Then it finally dawned on me (and believe me, it took me a while to figure this out). I didn’t do anything to push him away… and there’s nothing I can do to try and “stand out” from the crowd of women constantly fighting for his attention. Why? Because he’s not into me.

And as much as that sucked rocks,  I wasn’t about to force myself on someone who doesn’t want me. Because that would not only suck, it would be completely humiliating. 

I don’t understand how you can keep fighting for a relationship with someone who doesn’t even want to be with you.
One of the things my ex-hubs said to me soon after our separation… I was begging him to give marriage counseling a shot before he filed for a divorce and he said, “I don’t understand how you can keep fighting for a relationship with someone who doesn’t even want to be with you.” Wow, that hurt like no other. I felt so ugly & unwanted… like a bag of trash. And there was no way I was going to put myself in that position again if I could help it!

 

Wait… did I totally go off on a tangent here? What I’m saying is… people don’t forget people they like and care about. Have you ever forgotten about a guy you’re interested in? I’m pretty sure he’s on your mind 24/7. You don’t let days or weeks pass and suddenly think to yourself, “Oopsie! Chris Hemsworth totally slipped my mind!!”

Well, same with men… if they’re interested, they won’t be able to get you out of their head.

… we kinda “know” when guys are no longer interested, don’t we?
Of course he could be going through a rough time… maybe at work? School? His family? The thing is… we kinda “know” when guys are no longer interested, don’t we? But we like to make little excuses for them so their actions fit what we want.

 

Well, here’s what you DON’T want:  A dude who forgets about you… can’t recognize or appreciate the goddess that you are… and doesn’t think anything wrong with stringing you along.

Honestly, do you want to have to keep reminding him about you forever? Psshhh… ain’t nobody got time for THAT. Especially you!

 Here’s what you DO want and DESERVE: A man who won’t forget about you. Why? Because you are Beautiful, Amazing, Lovable, and Unforgettable. 

 

Kick this bozo to the curb. If he doesn’t think you’re even worth remembering, then he isn’t worth wasting any more of your time and effort… PLEASE free up that precious space in your heart for someone who will ADORE you.

 

For more advice that I am in no way qualified to give, I invite you to browse through my “Dear Carmen:” section… or submit your question to be possibly featured in an upcoming post! ?

 
P.S. Lemme know what you think!
Carmen Sakurai

Carmen is a mom, certified professional life strategist, breakup recovery coach, religion teacher, best selling author, foodie wannabe, and advocate for victims of narcissistic abuse. She is currently living la vida loca in Vegas with her not-so-little human… while pseudo-adulting, Tahitian dancing, and exploring the delicious world of bubble tea *woo!*

itscarmentime.net

Category: Dear Carmen

The advice I share are based on how I would personally handle the proposed challenges.

This website does not replace professional help. If you are experiencing symptoms of concern, seek professional help immediately by calling 911 or going to your local emergency room.

There is no shame in seeking mental / emotional help! Just as we turn to doctors when we have a fever, or dentists for a toothache… it is important to seek help from a competent psychologist, therapist, or coach when you’re not feeling mentally or emotionally well. xoxo

Disclosure: ItsCarmenTime.net is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.

Previous Post: « Pastillas De Leche (Filipino Soft Milk Candy)
Next Post: Being a Perfect Mommy is Overrated Anyway. »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. AvatarJohn

    03.06.14 at 9:09 am

    Yeah. That’s one way to handle it.

    OR… you could call/text/email constantly. Travel to where she… uh, I mean he is, and spy on them.

    Maybe they are in trouble and need your help. Maybe she/he is trapped down a well, or under a Buick. Ever think about that?

    Maybe they are secretly in love with you, and just don’t know it yet. (Maybe that Restraining Order is just their way of playing hard to get.) It could happen.

    There are all sorts of possibilities. (Although your first thought is probably right, in this particular case.)

    Just saying.

    • AvatarCarmen

      03.06.14 at 12:22 pm

      Oh John… please… PLEASE stop encouraging psychotic behavior. 🙂 If he accidentally fell into a sewage hole, well, I’m sure he can at least call or send a text. I mean, he DID “check in” on FB for cryin out loud. No excuses.

      I’m pretty sure I’m right in *this* particular case… at least it’s how I finally walked thru it. 🙂

Primary Sidebar

Adulting 101: “Support group” to help grown-ups do life… without burning out or setting things on fire.

Oh, Hai… I’m Carmen

Certified Professional Life Strategist. Breakup Recovery Coach, Best Selling Author. Foodie Wannabe. Advocate for Victims of NPD Abuse.
This blog is to compensate for my lack of adult-interaction. There, I said it.

my podcast!


itunes overcast rss

Dear Carmen

  • Dear Carmen: Reaching Out After a Breakup
  • Dear Carmen: He’s Having an Affair…
  • Dear Carmen: The Guy Who Constantly Runs Hot and Cold…
  • Dear Carmen: Why Do I Keep Having to Remind Him That I’m Still Here?
  • Dear Carmen: When He Stops Texting Back
  • Dear Carmen: Whoever Tells You NOT to Wear Your Heart on Your Sleeve After a Divorce – Can Kick A Wall.
  • Dear Carmen: Seeking Revenge on the Person who Stole Your Significant Other
  • 1
  • 2
  • >>

Reverse the clock…


Just 2 scoops a day with your coffee, smoothie, or yogurt… and watch your hair, skin, and nails get healthier!

Thicker, longer hair!


Vegetarian, gluten-free, gelatin free… take 2 juicy berry flavored gummies a day for thicker, longer hair!

My Etsy Shop!

etsy.com/shop/LittleEyeCandy

Secondary Sidebar

boost energy & lose weight!


2 Gummies = 1 ACV Shot for energy, skin, immunity, & weight!

Categories

  • Dear Carmen
  • Diary
  • Education
  • Faith
  • Food
    • Recipes
  • Freebies
  • Health / Wellness
  • IGTV
  • Life Hacks
  • Mommy Confessions
  • Money
    • Save Money
    • Side Hustles
  • Narcissistic Abuse
  • Podcast
    • Time Out
  • Raising Your Human
  • Relationships
  • Reviews

follow me in feedly

Footer

it’s carmen time!

  • Podcast
    • Time Out
  • My Diary
    • Mommy Confessions
  • Parenting
  • Relationships
  • Food
  • Money
  • NPD
  • Dear Carmen

let’s hang out!

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • LinkedIn
  • Medium
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

adulting 101

A “support group” to help grown-ups do life without burning out or setting things on fire.
 
Yasss!

  • home
  • i’m carmen
  • fa-q
  • get in touch


Copyright © 2006–2021 ITSCARMENTIME.NET & Carmen Sakurai. All Rights Reserved.
Surviving Single Motherhood One #Facepalm at a Time is a Trademark of Carmen Sakurai
Built on Genesis · Hosted by KnownHost · Terms of Use · Privacy Policy

We use cookies to customize content and give you the best experience possible. If you continue to use our site, we'll assume that you accept our terms. Got It!
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled

Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.

Non-necessary

Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.

SAVE & ACCEPT